I am the Grum Reapur, allow me to speak from the heart!
I have been through the struggles of despair, depression and emotional hardship due to my condition, BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), and once found myself drawn to pits of gloom. I suffered because I lived in an unkind world, full of uncaring people whilst I was full of compassion for my fellow human, crying at moments of both beauty and tragedy, laughing incredibly hard at the smallest things and for a long time was I ashamed that I was this sensitive soul and with that shame came even more suffering.
All that suffering was not in vain however!
I discovered something about myself that would change my outlook on life forever. I found that the mind was like a canvas or block of clay. Until this point in my life I had allowed others to sculpt or paint what they thought of me on the canvas or clay, people who had not equipped themselves with the tools, brushes, skills or materials necessary to create something amazing. I also had not equipped myself with these tools, but there were writers, speakers, artists and creators who had and it was up to me to equip myself with the same skills and materials as these people.
I suffered for a little while longer as I shifted my mindset from the old way to the new, realising more things I did not like about myself that I wanted to change, that I needed to change, in order to be the person I wanted to be, never taking my mind off the idea that I was creating a masterpiece over the span of a lifetime. The more I learnt about the human condition, through anthropology, psychology, sociology, philosophy etc, the more I realised that people were out of touch with their emotions. I found myself thinking that the most punk and rebellious thing to do was to be open about how I feel, what I have been through and sharing my vulnerability with those who care to listen, not in the hopes of gaining sympathy, but more to be the change I want to see in the world.
When I first started sharing my feelings so openly I was terrified of how people would react, but as time passed I saw that nobody judged me in these moments, in fact the complete opposite would happen, people would open up about their own struggles, their own conditions and suffering and how they overcame them, we'd often have a little cry and hug it out at the end because they've never been able to be so open, even with their own family and loved ones. This became my mission in life, to help people open up and feel more connected and happy and the only way I knew how to start was to do the things I enjoyed, drawing, sculpting and painting.
I sculpted the first Grum Reapur in the midst of my transformation as a totem to represent enjoying each and every moment in life as we never know when we might dance with the reaper. I created copies in resin and began customising them for fun, they just happened to be loved by those who saw them and played with them. That is when the Grum Reapur and my mission in life became intertwined and a fire grew within me like never before. What if I could use this platform to share my vulnerability with you, so you can see that you are not alone in how you feel and that most people try to mask their feelings through fear of being judged? What if I could reassure you that however low you may be it is only a moment in time? What if there was a way for me to present my own discoveries in a way that touches the soul?
I don't have definitive answers and I may get it wrong from time to time, but I will always be trying my hardest to help the individual and the collective, that is why I donate a percentage of my annual income from the Grum Reapur to mental health charities and organisations throughout the UK to give back a little to the people that helped me, in particular the therapy centre that helped me piece my life back together.
Thank you for taking the time to check out my site and I look forward to bringing you on the journey.
Brad a.k.a Grum Reapur